Editor's Note: Johnson County Human Services, and its Area Agency on Aging, receive many calls from members of the baby boom generation who are helping to care for their elderly parents. Many times these loving, compassionate boomers are at the end of their ropes—exhausted, frustrated, and confused.

In three installments, we will share some of the most common questions we receive. Ed Schulte, an aging information specialist, will provide his experienced and wise answers.

Is there any overall advice you give to adult children who see themselves becoming care givers to their elderly or ailing parents?

Take good care of yourself and take regular breaks from caregiving!

Get educated on caregiving options, but keep your own health and attitude in shape. Find ways to maintain or improve your physical, mental, and emotional health. Attend a support group or have lunch with a friend, and work to develop a positive perspective on life and a sense of humor. Empathy, emotional intelligence, and coping skills can go a long way in a caregiving role.

Don't try to do it all yourself. Ask for help from family, friends, and agencies. See "50 Things Every Caregiver Should Know," a pamphlet from JourneyWorks Publishing, www.journeyworks.com, 800-775-1998, for more ideas.

Give your parents some slack. What you see as stubborn resistance to your ideas may just be your parents' way of taking awhile to adjust to the changes and challenges of aging. They have spent most of their lives being independent and in charge. They are from a different generation, and are facing challenges and losses related to health, living conditions, and perhaps economics.

Know what issues are critical to their health and safety, and don't spend a lot of time sweating the small stuff—those personal quirks, persnickety needs, and occasional emotional expressions.

Supportive is better than confrontational when it comes to conversations. Sometimes the best you can do is just being there, rather than sounding off as the expert on all matters related to health and lifestyles. You may be right, but more often it is better to be kind.

What's the most common question you get from adult children of aging parents who are struggling with illnesses or showing signs that they need help?

The most common questions are: How can I help my parents be safer or stronger? How can I get a break? How do I find and pay for care at home or in a facility?

The answers to all these questions are usually found through a personal health care system and through social services and the Area Agency on Aging (AAA) serving the area where your parents live.

Primary care physicians authorize plans of care, services, and medical supplies covered by Medicare, and also can advise regarding any specialty care that's needed.

Social workers at a hospital, home health agency, nursing home, or rehabilitation facility advise and assist seniors and their families and help with the transition to other services, which might include in-home services provided through the AAA or private-pay resources.

Most AAAs have services such as information and assistance to discuss local resources and options, case management to help coordinate care needs, Meals on Wheels, housekeeping to help with routine cleaning and laundry, respite to give caregivers a break, and personal attendant care to help with bathing and other personal care.

A wide variety of options exist for care, often involving some economic choices or transition to safer environments, and often the decisions are new, challenging, and time-consuming. Payer sources include Medicare, Medicaid, VA benefits, long-term care insurance, state-supported sliding-scale fee services (where the cost is shared by seniors and the state, based on the senior's income), Older Americans Act donation-based services, and private pay.

Some persons who own their own home consider a reverse mortgage to get a lump-sum payment or monthly payments out of the value of their home while still living in it. These funds often are used for in-home care or adapting a home for easier at-home care.

All these options involve counseling, research, and careful consideration. To reach the Johnson County AAA, call 913-715-8861. To locate the AAA nearest your parents, call the National Eldercare Locator line at 800-677-1116 or visit www.eldercare.gov.

What signs should adult children look for when determining whether their parents are safe to live alone at home?

Life is a risk for everyone, and we all should take measures to reduce risks. There are risks posed by activities we engage in and risks posed by the environments in which we live. Can your parents get out of bed and a chair and take care of their bathing, dressing, and toileting? Can they hear and see what they need to hear and see? Are they having cognitive issues due to medications, health problems, dementia, or mental health?

Think of the parents' normal activities of daily living and the risk factors associated with everyday life. These are the points of concern to address. What will they do in case of an emergency, fire, tornado, or ice storm? What fall-prevention measures are in place? Who is checking on them every day? Are basic needs for food, clothing, and shelter being met?

Signs that more care at home or care in a facility may be needed include multiple falls, needing assistance with toileting, wandering and getting lost, leaving a stove on, not eating properly, taking medications improperly, and anything that might pose a serious and ongoing threat to their health and wellness.

Most people spend their entire lives at home, but at some point need a little help or a lot. If costs are associated with the level of care needed, then cost may become a driving factor for considering alternatives. If you cannot afford the level of care needed for your parents to be safe at home, you may need to locate Medicaid-subsidized care in an assisted living or nursing facility.

Most caregivers feel better if they call their AAA to discuss options for in-home care and then try getting as much in-home care as they can afford before moving on to other options. Bear in mind that the choice is up to your parents as long as they are capable of making their own decisions. Some elders look forward to assisted living for the health care and social aspects a facility can offer. Parents often know when the time is right for a nursing home. It is helpful to talk in a non-threatening, supportive way about all these options.

To be continued.