The American Justice Department reports that:

• One of four children will be abused by another youth (in the sense of being bullied);
  
• One of five kids admit to bullying; and
  
• Bullying is increasingly viewed as a contributor to youth violence, including homicide and suicide.

Why is this information important to us as grandparents?

Think back to your own school days and those of your children. As a child, did you find yourself anxiously waiting for a school year to be over and longing for a better year ahead? Did you hate to go to school some days because you knew you would be picked on?

Do you remember a time when your daughter was followed home from school by classmates who called her names and teased her, or a time when your son was invited to join a group of classmates, only to have them run away from him? Can you still see the look in your child's eyes when he asked you what was wrong with him and why no one liked him?

At some point, just when you start to feel relieved that all of those problems are behind you, it starts all over again—with our grandchildren. But now we feel a little more helpless because we are not the primary caretaker in our grandchildren's lives; we do not see them every day to ask how their day went or to observe that they are troubled. We may not hear of an incident until weeks after it happens and the damage has been done.

When time has passed before you learn of bullying to your grandchild, you don't want to resurrect hurtful feelings, but you do want to acknowledge what happened and try to lessen its effects. This is a hard place to be, and I know how gut-wrenching it has felt to me.  Although I accept that all experiences, good or bad, are essential to the growth of my grandchildren, I reject the notion that "What will be, will be." After all, doesn't our experience count for something?

So, while I know that hardships, unfairness, favoritism, and bullying will always exist, and while I know that I can't protect my grandchildren from every hurt, their pain pierces my heart and soul. I continually question what more I can do to surround them with good feelings and encourage them to believe in themselves and trust in who they are. 

There may be limits to what we grandparents can do, but it is important that we keep encouraging them to succeed; keep reinforcing their strengths; and keep giving support to the foundation they have already built.

It's also important to keep the lines of communication open, to hear what our grandchildren are telling us as well as what they are not. We can take the time to be available, strive to be observant, and always recognize their need to be loved—because sometimes our presence alone is enough. Our presence is enough to reduce their feelings of aloneness, lessen their feelings of abandonment, and lower their feelings of isolation.

So, if you can remember your school years and the school years of your children, and recall how difficult those years can be, you may be able to help. Understand your grandchildren's frustration and anger, be patient enough to listen, be calm enough to talk it through, be tolerant enough to see both sides, and be gentle enough to help them accept what happened—and to let it go.