Three years ago, my husband and I moved from our downsized 1,200-square-foot townhouse with no outdoor maintenance to a five-bedroom, three-plus-bath suburban home surrounded by green lawns, decks, and leaf-shedding trees.

No, we didn't have to acquire new furniture or a new mower. That's because we moved in with four other "new" household members: our son and daughter-in-law, both in their 40s, and our two teenage grandchildren.

Heart arrhythmias that made stairs difficult for me started the whole conversation. Added to that was the fact that Jim, Tiffany, Jamie, and Jessica yearned for a bigger house with a little more room for everyone to spread out. Our two households lived just a block apart, and one day my son said, "Why don't we sell both homes and buy a house where we can all live together?"

Many of our elder friends shook their heads.

Sounds like a nice idea, but I don't think I could ever live in the same house with my children, they said. They cited personality conflicts, too much noise, and different lifestyles as stumbling blocks.

Some of Jim and Tiffany's friends were having similar reactions.

What happens when they start giving you advice over how often to clean the kitchen or take out the garbage? one said.
Even the grandkids' friends expressed doubt. Won't it be like living with two sets of parents? Yuck!

All valid objections. The six of us sat down one evening to discuss the idea seriously. Each of us spoke about doubts, fears, hesitations: I need a certain amount of privacy. Will I be able to watch my favorite TV shows when I want to? Will we still be able to entertain our friends?

Then we looked at the positives: There'll be more people to share the chores. By combining households, both families can share resources and maybe save some money. The dogs won't be so lonesome during the day. I won't always have to be the one to go to the grocery store.

We decided to look for a house that might fit our needs. Some things we weren't willing to compromise on: The grandkids wanted to stay in the same school district; both couples wanted a master bedroom suite; my son wanted plenty of deck space for his barbecuing and grilling passions.

Astonishingly, the first house we looked at—an older home that had been renovated and updated—fit all those needs and more. The main floor had a large kitchen-and-dining area with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out on a large deck, along with a master bedroom suite, another room we could use as a sitting room with our own TV, and a guest bedroom and bath.

Upstairs was another large master bedroom suite and a room Tiffany could use for her home office. Downstairs a finished basement beckoned as a teen's dream hangout, with a lounge area and two bedrooms—and, of course, another TV.

Three years later, we're all still happily together, although life has continued to change. Jessica is now in college and we look forward to seeing her on holidays and occasional weekends. Jamie has a full sports schedule, which keeps us busy watching as many games as we can. Tiffany works part-time outside the home now. I have as much quiet writing time as I could possibly want, with only the dogs to keep me company on most weekdays.

I look forward to hearing the door open and Jamie yelling, "Nina, I'm home! Ryan's with me. Is it OK if we record some rap songs we've been working on?" or having my son breeze in and announce he's found a new recipe for grilled salmon and we're welcome to join him for dinner.

I can't imagine what it would be like to live by ourselves again, or to live with a group of over-55 folks. And even though I was never particularly fond of dogs, I can't imagine living without Stevie and Amber, who nuzzle my hand and remind me it's time to be fed.

Yes, the dishwasher fills up quickly and the house is often full of sounds of the washer and dryer, the TV, and cars coming and going. But there are also moments when we convene in the kitchen or around the dining table or even around the TV, those no-big-deal moments, casual as bread and butter, those moments that remind us why we live together and make it all worthwhile.

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Tips on living across generations

In answer to the question, "Have you ever lived with your grown children and grandkids?" posted on www.grandparents.com, nearly 30 percent of respondents said "We live together now and it's great." Thirty-six percent said "We live together now and it's a challenge." Here are some tips to make it less challenging and more fun:

• Treat your family as you would treat your friends. Show respect for everyone and allow for differences in points of view and lifestyle.
  
• Communicate regularly. It's important to discuss major household issues and deal with gripes and pet peeves as they arrive, not after they've festered.
  
• Make sure everyone has a "getaway space," and observe privacy needs.
  
• As an elder, listen at least as much as you talk. Share your opinion when it's appropriate, but give others the gift of listening.
  
• Be flexible!

You can find more information in the book Together Again: A Creative Guide to Multigenerational Living, by Sharon Niederhaus and John Graham. The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, $16.95.

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